My Letter

I wanted to post something I wrote from my heart to those who are suffering from eating disorders. I wrote it for the end of my book and you can find it there next to the pictures, but I wanted to share it on my blog.

If you have a friend or family member who you think it struggling with an eating disorder please feel free to print this off and share it with them. It might help them know that they aren't alone and there is someone who truly understands their pain.


To those who are suffering:
I speak to you with all sincerity from the deepest part of my heart. I truly understand your anguish and battle over this substance named food. I acknowledge that not everyone with Anorexia or other eating disorders has the same experience, but I speak from what I know.

First and foremost, I plead for you to go to someone with your problem. Get professional help. This disease will not stop without treatment. Do not believe that you can heal alone. For months I tried with every ounce of energy inside myself to overcome the mental monster that taunted each bite, but I still lost weight and grew increasingly ill. I allowed the disorder to control me until, according to all medical understanding, I should have died. It did literally kill me, and only by the will and power of our Father in Heaven was I permitted to continue my journey on Earth. Do not allow this disease to bind you to that depth of physical catastrophe.

Know that no number on the scale or size on a label is small enough to give you joy. Do not allow yourself to fall into the belief that “If I lose five more pounds, I will be happy.” This notion is false and destructive. I know, because at 85 pounds I was more miserable and lost than at the healthier size I was after recovery and am today.

I know there is a battle within you. A part of you wants to get healthy and stop the deprivation, and part of you doesn’t. Trust my words: you want to heal. There is life more glorious than you can imagine waiting for you. You need to heal to be capable of enjoying it.


I know how the disorder becomes part of your identity, who you think you are. You may feel, “Who am I, if I’m not an anorexic?” You need to find a passion, a purpose. Make that a part of your identity and leave the disorder behind.

You are worthy of all nourishment and health. Thinness is not perfection. You don’t need to be perfect; allow yourself to be human. Recognize that your sorrow is not about food, but about deeper issues. Get treatment for them. Learn to love yourself and love your body.


You are unique, beautiful, and loved by many, including our God and His son Jesus Christ. Even if you doubt their Deity, know that I know they love you, and know you personally. You have great worth and a purpose, an individual plan that only you can complete. Get the assistance you need to heal and achieve it.

(published in A Future for Tomorrow by Haley Freeman)

The Winner Is...

The winner of a free signed copy of A Future for Tomorrow is...

Nicole!

(Nicole please e-mail me at afuturefortomorrow@gmail.com)

Thank you to those who entered and helped share the word about my contest.

Remember the discount price and FREE shipping sale for A Future for Tomorrow goes until Jan 1st.

Merry Christmas!

Extra Entries

If you want to triple your chance to win a signed copy of A Future for Tomorrow all you need to do is mention my blog (afuturefortomorrow.blogspot.com) , websites (afuturefortomorrow.com or haleyhfreeman.com), my book, or this contest (see last post) on your facebook, twitter, or blog.

Leave me a comment letting me know and a link so I can check it out.

I will put your name in THREE times for the drawing!

(refer to last post for contest details)

Thank you for helping me spread the word!

Free Book Christmas Giveaway!!!

For Christmas I am offering a free book of A Future for Tomorrow.

Also, until Jan 1st there will be no shipping and a discount price!

In stores A Future for Tomorrow regularly sells for 16.95 plus tax but I'm offering it for only 15.00, but only to those who order here from my blog. Just click on the "Buy Now" button the top of the side bar.

A GREAT GIFT FOR ANYONE ESPECIALLY THE WOMEN IN YOUR LIFE!

"It is so inspiring for anyone to read! Even if you or no one you know has an eating disorder. It is a book of endurance, faith, hope, courage, parental unconditional love, knowledge of the life after death, and a renewal of life......a miracle!" --Kristen, Pasco, Washington

"Haley's book, written in the first person, is as tense and dramatic as a thriller novel. "--Tamara Heiner, book reviewer and writer

"After reading A Future for Tomorrow, I had the desire to look at myself through Heavenly Father's eyes and see the good in His child. And I have Haley to thank for that..." -- Stacy Gooch Anderson, Author & Reviewer

"I know for myself it gave me hope and blessed me with an even keener sense of our Father's love.” --Lori Nawyn, graphic designer, author, artist, and photographer.

"As I finished the last page and closed the book, I found myself thinking that all youth, youth leaders and parents should read this book. It’s a must read!" --Shari Bird, Tooele Utah

(For more reviews scroll down and see right side bar or visit http://www.afuturefortomorrow.com/ or http://www.haleyhfreeman.com/ )

To Enter Free Book Giveaway: Leave a comment on this post and any post after this one until December 16th at midnight. Leave your e-mail so I can contact you if you win. There will be a random drawing and I will send a signed copy to the winner. Winner announced Thurs. December 17th. Good Luck!

SPECIAL GROUP DISCOUNT

For those of you who are interested in ordering multiple copies of A Future for Tomorrow for Young Women's or other groups contact me at afuturefortomorrow@gmail.com for a special discount price.

New Interview

I want to share an interview that Tamara Heiner has posted on her blog, Chasing Dreams
Most of her questions are different than any I've been asked before with both fun and serious ones. Click here for interview.

She is a new author with her first book being published in the Fall of 2010. Congrats!

Tamara also reviewed my book a little while ago, click here to see it.

Thank you so much Tamara for the review and for the interview!

The Magic of Allowing Imperfection

A little while ago I was watching a BYU broadcast and there was a talk by Kip Rasmussen PHD mft called "The Magic of Allowing Imperfection." The talk was about eating disorders and how parents can help prevent them.

I have posted another list of things parents can do which I agree with but it wasn't an LDS specific list. Also I have come up with my own list that I haven't posted because I use it for my presentations and media appearances.

I wanted to share a few things I got out of Brother Rasmussen's talk with you because it was one of the best comprehensive talks I've heard that really "gets" the disorder. It also hits exactly on points that I think are powerful for parents to know in raising their child not only free from an eating disorder but other self-esteem and addictive problems. Also, he speaks to those who are suffering.

Here is a link to the entire talk, I highly recommend you watch or read it.

"The Magic of Allowing Imperfection" by Kip Rasmussen

This is what I took away from the talk:

What Parents Can Do to Prevent Eating Disorders:

(I think most of these are good for parents to do and will reap benefits independently of anything to do with eating disorders)

1. Catch kids doing something right. Give praise freely. Behavior that gets attention is usually repeated - good or bad.

2. Spend time with your kids. Sounds simple enough, just spending time will help you build a bond and trust with your child.

3. Encourage them to have their own voice. I thought this was interesting because I don't know why but growing up I did feel too weak, ashamed, or untitled to my own voice. I was timid and shy, feeling like I couldn't "make waves." I think this also can set a child up to be a victim of other situations so let you child know it is okay to "go against the grain" and that their voice is valid and important.

4. Teach that we don't value people based on appearance. You can do this with discussion as well as setting the example.

How You Can Help a Loved One With an Eating Disorder:

( I am often asked this question by interviewers. It is one of the hardest questions for me to answer since looking back at my own situation I saw how defiant I was to others trying to help me. I was in denial and in a dark place where I didn't feel worthy of help. In my case I know I had to literally hit rock bottom and feel myself dying before I could get help. I see the value in this list and hope by using it as a guide that you can reach your loved one before she gets to the life threatening state I was at.)

1. Empathize without offering advice or judgment.

2. Work on your own approach to food.

3. Let her know how much you love them- unconditionally.

4. Refrain from being "food Police."

5. Refrain from making judgments of why she has eating disorder.

6. Spend time together.

7. Enquire often about her emotional well being and be there for her.

8. Ask her if there are specific ways you can help her.

(In Brother Rasmussen's talk he explains each step better than I can.)

To Those Who Have Eating Disorders:

At the end of my book, before the pictures, I wrote a heartfelt plea to those who are suffering. If any of you want a copy of that page please let me know and would love to give it to you. My e-mail is afuturefortomorrow@gmail.com

This is the list Brother Rasmussen used in his speech:

1. Don't push friends away. Don't isolate yourself.

2. Allow family in.

3. Know that appearances and accomplishments wont met what you crave - love, acceptance, etc.

4. Speak your mind, have a voice, feel emotions, get in touch with your needs and feelings.

5. Don't judge yourself so harshly.

6. GET HELP, be open and honest to counselor.

I couldn't agree more with this list. There is great power of healing in these steps.

I would like to add

* FIND A PASSION

*PRAY TO KNOW YOUR WORTH.

I was thinking about how much power there is in saying you're sorry. I'm not talking about when you have wronged someone this time, I'm talking about giving sympathy.

Have you ever wondered what to say to someone when they are telling you about personal trauma they have experienced? Whether it is just saying "sorry you had a bad day," or "sorry you had to go through that." It might be what they need to hear.

You may find when you don't know what to say to help someone just allowing them to tell their story, then saying sorry sincerely, will be the best way to give comfort to your loved one.

I've found great peace and satisfaction myself when someone will just listen, have true empathy, and express their compassion for what I've went through.

Nothing to Fear

I've decided there is definitely truth in the statement by Franklin D. Roosevelt who said: "There is nothing to fear but fear itself."

There are many aspects in our life where this is true but where I found it to be true is with the stinking swine flu of all things.

So hear me out, I had the swine flu... badly actually. I even ran into some serious complications because I am pregnant and had some breathing trouble. I'm not completely making light of it because it was a little scary for a few days and I do know that people have and will actually die from it. However, the regular old flu has killed far more people each year.

My point? Hearing about H1N1 / Swine Flu for the last few months was making me crazy! I was literally freaking out about it. I felt anxiety and fear. I had some concerns about the vaccination for it too, but was planning on getting it especially since I am pregnant. I was filled with fear for my kids and was seriously panicky about the whole thing.

THE CURE FOR THE FEAR OF GETTING THE SWINE FLU IS GETTING IT!

Seriously, I was sick and so was my little guy, but it wasn't as bad as the feelings of fear and no control over this illness that was just plan freaking me out!

I'm so thankful that if I was going to get the H1N1 flu that I got it earlier in the flu season instead of driving myself mad with worry all winter. I definitely think the fear about it was worse than just getting it and getting it over with!

I decided to apply this principal in other aspects of my life. I remember watching a show years ago, it was actually on Dr. Phil, he was visiting with a lady that was obsessed with worry that her husband was going to cheat on her. He said something that I found to be powerful, he said, "what if in 50 years from now you are laying there and he never cheated?" Think of all the time, energy, and emotions you wasted for 50 years... for something that never happened.

Home work assignment:

Think of something you are constantly worried about. Your kid's health? Money? You're husband losing his job? Whatever it is, try to catch yourself worrying about it and ask yourself "What if in 50 years from now my husband never got fired. What I feared never happened. Will it be worth all the years of stressing?"

Two New Reviews

I wanted to share the last two recent reviews on A Future for Tomorrow. What is neat about both these reviews is that I didn't ask for either. It is a great honor to find out a person had read my book and decided to do a review about it. Thank you!

A review by Karen Gowen was posted yesterday on her blog Coming Down the Mountain.

She is the author of Farm Girl and Uncut Diamonds.

She seems like a remarkable lady and it would be a pleasure for me to meet her one day. ( Click on Karen's name or here for the review)

The other review was posted a couple weeks ago by Tamara Heiner


(Click on Tamara Heniner's name to read review)

She is also a writer who will publish her first book in 2010.

Tamara is planning on doing an interview with me shortly which will also be posted on her blog, Chasing Dreams. I will let you know what it is posted.

We are so excited that we are getting a baby boy to add to our family! I already have a 5 year old son and a 2 year old girl. We are delighted by the news.

TV Interview

I did a TV interview last Oct. and was given this link recently that shows part of the interview. If you would like to watch it here is the link.

http://www.confettiantiques.com/book-reviews/a-future-for-tomorrow-surviving-anorexia-my-spiritual-journey-by-hailey-hatch-freeman/

I'm hoping to do more once my health improves from this pregnancy.

By Mark L. Shurtleff

I'm thrilled about the new publishing agency Valor Publisher because of several reasons but one being that three of the neatest people I have met since I became an author are involved with it (Tristi, Karen, and Candace).
Here is a link to Valor's Blog

I want to share some information and discount opportunity with you.

Utah State Attorney General Mark Shurtleff’s ground-breaking new novel, “Am I Not A Man: The Dred Scott Story” is now available for pre-order at a reduced price.

An illiterate slave, Dred Scott trusted in an all-white, slave-owning jury to declare him free. But after briefly experiencing the glory of freedom and manhood, anew state Supreme Court ordered the cold steel of the shackles to be closed again around his wrists and ankles. Falling to his knees, Dred cried, "Ain't I a man?" Dred answered his own question by rising and taking his fight to the U.S. SupremeCourt.

Dred ultimately lost his epic battle when the Chief Justice declared that a black man was so inferior that he had "no rights a white man was bound to respect."

Dred died not knowing that his undying courage led directly to the election of President Abraham Lincoln and the emancipation proclamation.

Dred Scott's inspiring and compelling true story of adventure, courage, love,hatred, and friendship parallels the history of this nation from the long night of slavery to the narrow crack in the door that would ultimately lead to freedom and equality for all men.

You can order your sale-priced, signed and numbered limited edition copy of “Am I Not a Man” by visiting http://www.valorpublishinggroup.com before Labor Day. There are only 5,000 copies of this special edition being printed and once they’re gone, they’re gone … and the sale price ends on Labor Day. You can request that Mark personalize your inscription, and your book will be mailed to you before the stores even get their copies. For more information, visithttp://www.valorpublishinggroup.com

I'm anxious to read this book and can think of several others in my family that I know would love it as well.

My sincere wishes of best luck to Valor and "Am I Not a Man"

Their Weakness

Do you have a specific person in your life that has judged or criticized you? Are they someone constant and important in your life? Maybe a spouse or parent?

Do you feel pressure to shape your behavior to mold to what they think is acceptable?
This person might be wonderful in all other aspects, but they have a weakness to judge in this area and it causes you pain.

I’m going to share one of the most powerful words of council I received.

But first I need you to picture the behavior and examine what you believe about it.
I’m going to use the example of food and weight because it seems to be the most prevalent and something I can relate to.
What is the believe surrounding eating certain foods or being overweight imposed on you by your loved one?
Do you feel that they wont love you if you are too heavy? Do you feel guilty when you eat a certain food around them, because they don’t approve of it? Is there something really "sinful" about the food or amount?
Do you think this person will be disappointed in you if gain weight or not loss weight?
(Place your issue into this type of analyse.)

Now I want you to review what is true. What is right?
Food shouldn't hold that much power, it is only a substance.
Your value and worth doesn’t change when the scale's number does. Does Heavenly Father love you less when you eat ice cream? Does He value you less when you are a heavier weight? Does Heavenly Father want you to feel guilty for eating?

The second set of believes are eternal truth so the other believes are wrong or even sinful to a degree because it is contrary to what is God’s truth.

Now here is the council that helped change my life:

WHY LIVE YOUR LIFE TO SOMEONE ELSE’S WEAKNESS OR THEIR “SINFUL, FLAWED BELIEVE?

Again,

WHY LIVE YOUR LIFE TO SOMEONE ELSE’S WEAKNESS?

I decided I wasn’t going to. That I wasn’t going to put this person before Heavenly Father and His truth, by living to this person’s flawed believe. I want to live to what is true and place value on Heavenly Father’s truth. I will no longer live to conform my life to follow someone else’s weakness.

Personal Story

For those of you who have read my book A Future for Tomorrow, you know that it is much more than a story about overcoming anorexia. It is a deeply personal and spiritual story as well.

I experienced extraordinary spiritual happens that I feel I depicted respectfully and accurately the way I felt guided to relay the events.

I came away from that experience with many precious truths, but one was specifically focused on the importance of service. It is a huge part of why we are here on Earth.

Right now I'm in a hard place physically. As I mentioned briefly in my last post, I get extremely ill during my pregnancies. This one is no exception. It seems every day is worse that the last. Without sounding like I'm complaining I will just say it has been a trail to say the least.

I want to share with you the story of an incredible women in my ward. She probably will never read this since she doesn't have a computer, so my reasoning to write it isn't for her, but to hopefully inspire you to continue the service chain and reach out to those who are in need around you.

The story actually begins around three years ago. When I saw who was assigned to be my visiting teacher I had to chuckle. "What an odd match," I thought, "pairing the not only vegetarian but vegan in the ward with the rancher's daughter." (me being the rancher's daughter)

I was convinced she would try to force her believes on me and try to "convert" me to her no-meat friendly diet, but I was surprised that she was completely accepting and respectful of other's life style with no desire to change them.

I began to know her casually, but not until I was pregnant with my daughter did I truly see how remarkable this lady was.

When she caught word of my suffering and inability to keep enough food and water in that I was struggling with dehydration among other things she popped into my house and wouldn't take no for an answer. She did dishes, brought over meals, surprised me with bowls of freshly prepared watermelon, told me about home remedies for morning sickness --leaving me with a few, and constantly kept tabs on me.

I don't think I ever got completely comfortable accepting the help especially when it came to her cleaning my house, but wow what a blessing she was. She told me that her pregnancies are hard as well and when she was bed ridden she had a visiting teacher who did the same for her and she decided right then and there she would pass the charitable helping hand on. I too vowed to do the same when I was in a place and time where I could.

After my, now two year old daughter, was born. I did do my best to serve anyone who needed it and made sure my name was always on the sign up sheet to take meals to those in need.

My visiting teacher was reassigned to visit another sister, but I was still thrilled to see her in church and share a brief moment of sisterhood.

I remember thinking that no one would ever have been able to help me the way she did and have the true compassion and understanding of how severely ill I was. I knew the Relief Society Presidency was inspired to place me under her care.

Years went by, as they do, and it was months in between hellos with my dear sister.

My husband and I decided to embark at least one more time on the journey of pregnancy. It was not taken lightly or without fear since I knew what I was in for. (basically compared to having the worst stomach flu you can imagine for nine months) It had been months and months of trying and still I was not pregnant. I started doubting if it was the right thing. I feared that something was wrong and I wouldn't be able to carry another child.

One unexpecting day I received a phone call from the Relief Society President to tell me I had new visiting teachers. I was shocked to hear that my kindly sister was called to me again! I had never had a visiting teacher called to me more than once. The thought came to my mind that maybe I would be getting pregnant soon and that is why she was paired with me again. She was meant to help me out on this trail once again.

Soon I received a call from my v.t and she said that she saw me in church a few weeks before and the impression came to her that I was going to get pregnant and I would need her help once again. She vowed that she was going to continue to help me regardless of being my visiting teacher or not, but just a few days later she was told she was assigned to me again.

This brought tears to my eyes as I visited her on the phone since I had started to loss hope in conceiving.

A little more than a month later we did receive the exciting news that I was indeed pregnant and less than two weeks later I was bed ridden once again.

Yesterday, who do you think popped up? My v.t she had a meal and as I lay helpless eating it on the couch I heard her buzzing around my house. She did dishes, cleaned, swept, took out the garbage, and entertained my two children. The grateful feelings of her service brought tears to my eyes more than once while she was here. Hours later she helped me up the stairs and into bed, but not before she brushed my kids teeth and had them ready for bed as well.

It is always hard for me and humbling to accept her help. I have to push the embarrassment behind and just be grateful. I have to remind myself that once I am well again I will too show this "don't take no for an answer" kind of service to others. (I call it that because how many times have I told her that she has done enough and she doesn't need to do it, but she does anyway.)

I am eternally grateful to her and to the others who have offered me help during this time. Especially to my husband who has taken on double the responsibilities and never complains.

I hope this story inspires you to show kindness and not take no for an answer when the Lord prompts you to serve your fellow brother or sisters.

Announcement

I want to officially announce to my readers that I am pregnant! I have a five year old son and a two year old daughter who are ecstatic about having a new baby. (My husband too of course) I'm due March 1st.

One thing that goes along with my pregnancies is sever morning sickness (what a inaccurate name- all day sickness is more like it.) I actually am extremely sick for the entire nine months as well. There are more fun medical details about it, but I won't get into all of it.

I'll try to still keep up the occasional post but if you don't hear from me that is why.

Deserted Island

For this week's challenge I want you to ask yourself how your behavior would change if you were alone on a deserted island.

It is only you and God.

Would you eat differently? Would you feel guilty for eating certain things? Would your ideal weight change?

What other aspects of your life would be different?

Would you feel accepted and whole since you had no one to judge you.

Would you feel more worthy and adequate since there was no one to compare yourself to?

Would you be at peace not worrying about what other's thought about you?

Take a few minutes to ponder this question. Write about it in your journal if you have one.

How does this exercise make you feel about living your life today? Will you change how you let other's make you feel? How will you change to bring more self-acceptance and peace in your life?

LDS Publisher

I have recently become a follower and reader of a resourceful blog called LDS Publisher. It is written by an unknown publisher and it gives great advice for us authors or want-to-be authors.

The blogger allows you to ask her any questions and she will answer them in a post and give tips to better the chance of getting published or to better your writing.

She also gives two books away a month. To enter you just have to read her posts and leave a thoughtful comment. This month my book is being featured. I'm excited to be apart of it! Click here to check out LDS Publisher and to enter to win.

The Landmark List

I am so excited to spread the word about the new release of The Landmark list! I really can't say enough about the power of this book by Karen C. Eddington.

Karen is not only an author and public speaker, but she also founded and is the president of a non-profit organization called Cauliflower Retreat.

I was honored to have the privileged to read this work before it was in print and was thrilled to find out my endorsement statement was chosen to be on the back of her book along with a family therapist. Here are our quotes:

"The Landmark List's powerful message is life changing and invaluable. Karen Eddington has cleverly merged self-improvement with characters you can journey with to find self-acceptance, purpose, and peace." --Haley Hatch Freeman
Author of A Future for Tomorrow

"The Landmark List will rescue you from the monotony and stress of everyday life and help you create yourself, your goals, your dreams, your relationships, and the life you have longed for."--Kevin N. Barlow, M.S.
Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist

I have found that each chapter, if not each page, is loaded with life changing messages, quotes, and food for thought that I have decided to break it down and work on each piece a week or a few days at a time. I recommend everyone doing the same.


I love that Karen put quotes throughout the book. Here are a couple of my favorite:


"Feeling self-worth is a result of choice and accountability. Everyday, we create ourselves."


"If you can identify a purpose in everything you do, it will make you great."



Buy The Landmark List from amazon.com here


Karen's first book Today I live... is also a powerful tool. It is for women of any age, but relates exceptionally well to teenage girls.
The Landmark list is geared to adults both men and women, however young adults could benefit from it as well. Again both books are a must read in my opinion.

Weekly Challenge:

In honor of the release of The Landmark List, this weeks challenge is to create your own list go to Karen's site for the details: here

BOOK GIVEAWAY

Author Anne Bradshaw is hosting a book giveaway on her blog.

The give away is a book by Kersten Campbell

"Overwhelmed? Tired? Stressed? Then you need the laughter therapy that is in this book!"

To learn more and to enter the contest go to Anne's blog Not Entirely Britsh

Food Messages

As parents we can often send messages about food to our children without knowing it. Here are a few things to be aware of.

*From a young age do you reward them with food? Do you say, “If you are good today at the store Mom will buy you a treat?”

* Is food withheld as a punishment? Example: “If you don’t behave I will send you to bed without dinner.”

*Do you give candy or a treat to your child when they are hurt to try to get them to stop crying?

This is dangerous because it teaches the child to not cry and feel and express their emotions but to deny them, stuff them away, and eat. Saying, "There is nothing really wrong, here is something nice to distract you." The better way is picking the child up from a fall and say "I know you are upset. Let's look at your elbow and see if you need a Band-Aid."

*Do you tell your child to ignore their own body’s full signal and to still eat everything on the plate regardless? Encourage your child to try to listen to their own body. If it says it is full then they should stop eating, if they feel hunger they should eat. Sometimes my little ones say they are hungry when I know they had recently eaten and shouldn't be hungry yet. I ask, "what does your belly say? Does it say you are hungry?" Often I find they are bored or just thirsty.

*Do they hear you say to a friend “I was bad and had some cookies last night?”

Each of these send unhealthy connections to food. It links behavior with food. The last one links guilt with certain food which is the most dangerous of them all. j

That is why I hate commercials that say "Fat-free, guilt-free ice cream"

or the famous restaurant where you will find on their menu "Guilt Free Menu" where their low-fat meals are.

I know for me this helped impact the guilt I felt for eating. Awareness is key and as a parent we need to combat these messages the best we can.

Any Questions?

Since one of my favorite times during presentations is the question and answer part at the end, I decided to have a Q&A on this blog.

If you have any questions about eating disorders in general or my own experience, self-esteem, my writing and publishing journey, "What would you do?" scenarios, or even something totally unrelated e-mail me at afuturefortomorrow@gmail.com

I'll keep your questions completely confidential.

You never know how many people have the same question and by you asking it it might help them.

I look forward to hearing from you!

FREE SHIPPING

I want to announce that there is free shipping on all orders of my book A Future for Tomorrow.

The cost is 16.95

Remember if you order it on this blog by clicking the paypal button or on my website at afuturefortomorrow.com (currently under updating construction) then you will receive a signed copy.

Thank you!!

Worthy To Be Loved

It seems when we are feeling down or depressed, or when we have self-hatred playing in our minds we feel unworthy to be loved.

We can't see how anyone could possible love us and we may even feel like we don't deserve the affections from loved ones or a significant other.

Weekly Assignment:

I want you to:

*Name at least three reasons why you are worthy to be loved

*Name at least three people who love you unconditionally

*Name at least three reasons why they love you

A step further would be to raise your "standard of living" when it comes to relationships. I've noticed that women are usually in a relationship with the kind of guy they feel they deserve at that time in their lives. It's a reflection of their own self-esteem. They may feel that they are not good enough for someone of higher quality, or even someone who would treat them with respect and admiration.

So I add to this challenge to not only name the reasons you are worthy to be loved but the reasons why you deserve a man who treats you like the divine daughter of God you are.

Then seek out these "higher standard of living "relationships that mirror the great worth you feel inside.

Young Women's Girl's Camp

I had the most amazing time on Tues. speaking to over 400 young women along with Karen Eddington. We were able to visit two girl camp sites in one evening, both in Heber Valley.

The first stake we spoke to was the Roy Stake at the Lucy Mack Smith campground, the second was West Haven Stake from Freemont at the Beertha Reeder campground.

Karen opened with her high energy, fun but powerful message of worth. The spirit was strong as she told the girls to internalize two principal:

1. I know who I am

2. I accept myself

Karen's presentation was full of life changing messages that were not only a blessing for the youth to hear but for me and the leaders as well. I was in awe of her public speaking skills and I could tell we shared a genuine love for these girls.

My times was spend sharing my personal struggle of finding my own worth, and the consequence of not having that self-esteem Karen spoke about. In my case it lead to an eating disorder which by all medical reasoning should have killed me. I was so excited that I could share the blessings and miracles that I received in order for me to make a full recovery.

When I speak at schools I have to leave that out and it is a huge part of my story. Definitely the power of the priesthood is the reason I am alive today and I loved sharing that with the youth.

I then turned the time over to the group for questions. This is probably my favorite part of my own presentation. I LOVE hearing the girl's feedback and questions of concern. Sometimes it is questions about what they can do for a friend who they think has an eating disorder and sometimes it is a simpler question about if I felt hungry. But I truly respect each question and want to answer it to the best of my ability.

I've always treasured the time when the speaking is over and the girls and leaders can come up to me and share their own input or personal questions, but Karen shed an even deeper light on this special time we are allowed to participate in. She said that is where the most powerful moments can occur and she told me some information about this time that I will always remember and use at the end of future presentations.

I enjoyed giving autographs to the Roy stake and the many hugs from the West Haven stake.

Both stakes were full of remarkable young women and leaders. I feel honored to be apart of their camps.I pray that a part of the messages they heard Tuesday night will make a lasting impression upon them.

I have to mention at the second stake we were only under a long pavilion and it was raining and cold the entire time. The girls and leaders were all bundled up.

Here is a picture of Karen doing her thing:

She incorporated fun props which helped the teens relate. And her energy alone drew the audience into her speech.

(I forgot to ask someone to take a picture of me up there... darn it! I'm also sad that I didn't get a picture of the two of us together. Oh well.)

Forethought and Purpose

Have you ever met someone and felt like you had known them forever, or that you were suppose to meet them? I had that experience with a beautiful, genuine lady named Lori Nawyn. Getting to know her has been more than a pleasure and I've been able to see why our paths were guided to cross.
Lori is not only an author of inspirational stories and a cookbook, but she is also a talented artist and photographer. I highly recommend you visit her site and blogs.
Hearts and Hands
Forethought and Purpose


INTERVIEW

Lori has interviewed me and posted our interview on her site Forethought and Purpose
Her questions included fun, get-to-know-you questions as well as deep questions such as
Give us one piece of advice/wisdom for the world?


FREE GIVEAWAY

Lori is also hosting a free book giveaway on her site right now of my book, A Future for Tomorrow. It goes until June 12th so go enter, and good luck!

(Also, on Lori's post from Friday, May 22 [on very bottom of her page] she mentions more about my story.)

Addictive Eating

I mostly use this site to focus on self-esteem and only touch on actual eating disorders, usually anorexia since that is what I survived. But today I wanted to focus on another eating disorder.

The most common eating disorder out there is addictive and binge eating. Whether you purge (throwing up the food after binging) or not, binge eating has a lot of deep issues behind it.

I've had several women who admit they struggle with additive eating say my journal entries (when I was anorexia) which are at the first of each chapter of my book, could have come from their own journal. How could an anorexic's journey match a binge eater's? Because eating disorders of all kinds have the same underlining pain and thought processes behind them.

That is why they have all told me that reading my book as helped them in their own struggle.

Here are some possible traits that encompass all eating disorders:

Self-doubting

Self- critical

Low self-esteem

Feelings of lack of control

Perfectionist

Sexual conflicts

Self-defeating

People pleasers

All or Nothing

Feels rejected or fear of rejection

Looks to others for approval

Loneliness

Feeling not good enough

Eating disorders are a coping mechanism.

The key for healing is to learn to tackle problems head on and learn to resolve them and to deal directly with emotional pain.

Why diets don't work:

I have a huge spill on diets but I am limiting myself to one aspect for this post.

Diets only change one aspect of yourself, your body. They usually don't address why you overeat. This is why most people who had a gastric bi-pass or went on the Biggest Loser and loss weight quickly gain it back. They never dealt with the issues that caused them to be overweight.

They maybe believe the symptom of binging went away so they are cured, but as soon as they have anxiety, stress, or need to deal with emotions the behavior will return.

*95% of all dieters will regain their lost weight in 1-5 years (Grodstein, 1996).

To heal you need to learn problem-solving skills, change belief systems, life styles, and improve self-image.

How do you do this?

In a book called "A Substance Called Food" by Gloria Arenson, there are four steps to help get you on your way. (I highly recommend this book for anyone dealing with any sort of eating disorder.)

I'll sum up what I learned from reading it:

1. Pay attention to when you have a binge episode. Your binge is a reaction to what? You can use a food journal for at least a week to help you.

2. Name the feelings that triggered the episode. What situation or relationship is evolved?

(example: You're boss said some hurtful things about your job performance.)

3. Dig deeper to the thoughts and beliefs you have about this situation that led to these feelings.

(example: You feel you have to be perfect and when your boss pointed out some things you were doing wrong you felt like a failure.)

4. Find your inner power. Know you are not helpless. Decide the correct way of solving the issue instead of turning to food.

I hope I created some awareness and understanding of addictive eating. If you have any questions or comments that you don't want to post publicly please e-mail me at afuturefortomorrow@gmail.com

Interesting Eating Disorder Statistics

This pictures was taken at my brother's wedding twelve years ago this month. I weighed 85 pounds in the hospital and gained around 25-30 pound when this picture was taken.

I found some fascinating statistics concerning eating disorders and body image. I would like to share a few of them with you.

*8 million people with eating disorders in the US and 1 million of them are boys.

*80% of women are unhappy with their appearance.

* Half of all Americans know of a family member or personal friend who has an eating disorder.

(I think this is even higher because when I do public speaking or book signings it seems like everyone I visit with knows someone.)

* 81% of ten year olds are afraid of being fat.

* Of American 13-year-olds, 80 percent have tried to lose weight.

*Half of American girls between the ages of 11 and 13 view themselves as overweight

* 91% of women recently surveyed on a college campus had attempted to control their weight through dieting.

*In adolescents, anorexia is the third most common chronic illness.

*Of all the mental illnesses, eating disorders have the highest mortality rate.

* Of those Americans with eating disorders, only one in ten get the treatment they need.

*20% of people with eating disorders and 25% of people with anorexia nervosa die without treatment. That number goes down to 2-3% with treatment.

If anyone has any personal stories of their own children, niece, or themselves I would love to hear them.

Why Are You Unique?

We are all special and have divine worth because we are children of God, but we are also individually unique and original.

For this week's challenge I want you to name 5 ways you are not only special but unique and different. Name traits that are identifiably yours.

Quote: "At bottom every man knows well enough that he is a unique being, only once on this earth; and by no extraordinary chance will such a marvelously picturesque piece of diversity in unity as he is, ever be put together a second time." ~Friedrich Nietzsche

Surprise Book Review

I was thrilled when I popped into Sheila's blog and found a review about my book. I met her at the LDStory Maker's conference and she mentioned a possibility of her doing a podcast interview with me. I hope we can work something out with that soon. I'll keep you posted.

I wanted to share her blog and review with you.

Sheila's Review of A Future for Tomorrow.

It meant a great deal to me to read her words. I appreciate her and your support.

Thank you again Shelia your review really touched me!

Today, I Live.

In honor of this week's book give away I wanted to take one of the questions asked toward the end of the book Today, I Live. (By the way congrats to Rachelle who won the drawing)

The last page of Karen Eddington's book says "Pass it on" I love the encouragement she gives to try to keep her message of self acceptance and peace moving forward and expanding.
So this is one way i am passing it on.

She has many wonderful statements to ponder as well as questions. That it way it was hard for me to decide which one to feature today. Which is exactly the reason why I recommend getting this book (I linked you to amazon to buy it if you click her title in the first sentence)

The question I decided to post is under her Worth and Purpose page,
"How are the people and things around me impacting how I feel about myself?"

I remember years ago being told that my believes about myself were based too heavily on what other's thought of me. It was explained by using the example of a mirror. I reflected what others felt or what I thought they felt about me and internalized it as truth.

I catch myself doing it somewhat still today. I'm sure most of us do to a certain degree. If we receive praise and admiration throughout the day I'm sure we all hold our heads a little higher. However, if we had a rough day and a few people had judgmental comments or gestures toward us we can't help but feel down. Or can we?

If you are absolutely firm in your self concept and the worth you know you have, there is nothing anyone can do or say to change your mind. Reflect instead the love and worth the Savior and Heavenly Father have for us. We have infinite value that our mortal minds can't even conceive of. Even as I type I feel the spirit testifying this truth to me. I know without a doubt our worth as daughters of God is intensely great.
I had a challenge a little while ago for you to pray for a week straight to feel and know of your worth I want to extend that again as something you continually seek.

In addition to that, this weeks official challenge is to notice how your mood and feelings of value change depending on your external factors and other's believes of you. Challenge those feelings with what you know to be true.

FREE BOOK GIVE AWAY!

Free give away of Today, I Live... A Gift of Peace for Girls at any Age. (If you don't win and want to buy the book click on the title above and it will take you to the book's page on amazon.com)
I absolutely LOVE this book!!! It is different than anything I've ever seen because it is a picture book with bright illustrations, but filled with deep wisdom and uplifting messages. I have joined the author, Karen Eddington, in the effort to spread the message of the importance of self esteem. She has invited me to join her for a couple stake girls camp presentations, which I am looking forward to in June.

I am so excited about this book I plan on carrying her information cards to all my book signings or public speaking events. It is a great book for young teens to great grandmothers.

Karen has generously offered to give one book away for a price on my blog.

To enter: Leave a comment naming three of your best traits. (Physical, spiritual, or mental, anything you want.) IF you are not comfortable leaving your list for people to see then just tell me that you named them to yourself or wrote them down at home. Thanks! If you don't have a blog I can link to from your comment leave your e-mail please so I can contact you if you are the winner.

Contest Ends on Friday at midnight. Saturday morning I will do a random drawing.

Extra Chance to Win. Advertise my give away on your blog. Leave another comment saying you did so and your name will be entered twice in the drawing.

Thank you and good luck!!

One Lovely Blog Award

My delightful friend Lori Nawyn from Hearts and Hands selected my blog to win the "One Lovely Blog Award." This is my first blog award so I can't wait to display it on my side bar!

I am honored. Thank you, Lori.

In keeping with the rules, I've been asked to pass on the love and bestow the award to 15 of my favorite blogs. (In no particular order)

Tristi Pinkston LDS Author

I've mentioned Trisit several times on this blog so most of you know she has four published books, a member of LDS StoryMakers, and is a great lady!

Cauliflower Retreat by Karen Eddington.

The Cauliflower Retreat is a non-profit organization that promotes worth and purpose to women! You can learn more at cauliflowerretreat.org!

4Nuts in a Nutshell by Catherine Lang.

She is a high school and college friend who has done great thing with her blog. In a blink of an eye she nearly has 100 followers. That speaks volumes for her blogging talent. Way to go Cat!

Wizard's Hangout by Vicki Wizniuk.

She is a fellow Close to My Heart consultant and I admire her talent and willingness to share her ideas with her blog friends.

A Writer's Ramblings by Karen Hoover.

Karen is a dear friend of mine and a gifted writer. Her manuscripts have won several awards and hopefully we will see one in print soon! Her time is near I can feel it!

Our Many Mumblings by Kelly Hill.

Kelly has a hilariously honest way of blogging her life. Kelly is a strong woman who is comfortable sharing her personal trials and success. I'm proud to call her neighbor and friend.

LobbyMe by Ryan Fransen.

This is the only male blogger I have chosen to award this honor to. I don't know how thrilled he will be knowing his reward is called "lovely blog award" but his blog one of my favorites to read. Ryan is my cousin and a former congressional staffer and campaign manager. His blog helps me feel like I have the "inside track" when it comes to politics.

CraziBeautiful Women

I'm cheating a little on this one because it is a website but it wants to be a blog.

Queen of the Clan by Danyelle Ferguson

Danyelle did a book review for my book and I was privileged to met her in person at the LDS StoryMaker's conference. She has a wonderful blog and does great things for Autism.

The Mar Farr by Mari Farr

Mari is on of the most talent photographers I've EVER seen! She has a great blog about being a mom, photographer, and music teacher. We were neighbors until her recent move, but I still consider her one of my closest friends.

Candace Salima

I'm again linking a website that feels like a blog. I admire Candace for her writing, political stance, and public speaking. Check her out.

Why Not? Because I Said So! by Sheila.

I met Sheila at the LDS StoryMaker's convention and found her to be a delightful lady. She also does podcast interviews on LDS Women's Book Review

Congrats everyone!

Self-Esteem Building Exercise

I found a great site with self-esteem building exercises on it. It is called selfesteem2go.com

Here is some information from that site:

Self-esteem building exercises start with learning to care for yourself; physically, mentally and emotionally. I know, the advice “Love yourself” sounds like such a cliché, but studies have proven that people who feel good about themselves are happier, healthier and have better self-esteem.

The first step you can take towards building your self-esteem is to take care of your body. Eat healthy foods that give you energy and make you strong. Exercise every day, if only for twenty minutes. Take your time with personal hygiene; stay an extra minute in the shower to enjoy the hot water relaxing your muscles, and set aside time for nail and tooth care. --By Zoltan Roth site owner.

There is much more on this site, but I would like to focus on this aspect this week. The challenge is to take better care of your physical body this week. By caring for your body it is showing that you love yourself and your body.

If you don't feel that you do have love for your body maybe pampering it will help you appreciate it and be the first step in learning to accept and love it.

I remember hearing that part of the test of this life is to see how we take care of our body, "our temple." That has stuck with me and I want to show my Father in Heaven that I can take care of the body he gave me. The body that is mandatory for me fulfill my eternal purpose.

Give your body the extra attention this week and feel free to leave a comment about your experience.

(I've been behind on posting my weekly self-esteem assignments lately so if you are new to the site check out older post for more great ways to help you find your divine worth.)

Publishing Secrets

I've noticed since I have a book out I have been asked a lot about the publishing process. I've even read manuscripts and been asked many technical questions as well.

I love helping anyone with questions so feel free to keep asking. If I don't know I have a few friends and resources I can use to hopefully give you the answer you need.

However, ever person I talk to I end up recommending this book to them. It is called LDS STORYMAKERS Publishing Secrets. I want to link it from my site so you can buy your own copy from amazon.

(click on book to order)

It's great for a few reasons, one is that it is written by several authors who have great experience in the topic. So you hear several opinions and scenarios instead of just one persons.

It is great specifically if you are trying to get published in the LDS market, but it does talk about all different types of publishing.

I felt a little overwhelmed when I first started reading it from cover to cover then I decided to just read a chapter at a time, along my own publishing process. I used it as an instruction manual of sorts as I approached each step.

I was thrilled to find they also have a book called "Writing Secrets" It is equally wonderful and another one I recommend!

Book Giveaway!

The blog "4 Nuts in a Nutshell" is hosting a book giveaway tomorrow, of my book A Future for Tomorrow.

I'm not for sure what this will entail quite yet, but the author of this blog is creative and you will get lots of laughs and insight from reading her posts. Check it out and maybe you will be the one who wins the free book! Did I mention I will sign it personally?

While you're there become a follower, you won't regret it!

Good luck!

Trisit Pinkston's New Release Agent in Old Lace

I wanted to do a shout out for my friend Tristi. She has a new book coming out that I'm super excited about and she is doing a fun contest to go along with her promotion.

(To Pre-order this book click on book's cover image above.)

You can link over to her blog to participate. This is what the contest is about and a copy of what she has on her blog:

A Very Tristi Contest!
To celebrate the release of my new book, "Agent in Old Lace," I'm holding the coolest contest I've ever held! Because the book is a mystery novel, I'm sending you on a scavenger hunt all over the Internet. There are three sets of clues on sixteen websites.

First, you must find them all. Then, you must arrange them into groups (they are labeled 1, 2, and 3 - that part's not so mysterious). Then you must decide what they are referring to. Remember the game "Clue," where you discovered that the culprit was Miss Scarlet, in the library, with the rope? You, too, must figure out who did it, where, and with what.

After you have obtained these clues, send me your answer at tristi AT tristipinkston.com with "contest" in the subject line. All correct answers will be entered into a drawing.

And what does the lucky winner receive for all their hard work? A pretty cool prize!

This package contains a popcorn bowl, three flavors of popcorn, a $25.00 gift card to Blockbuster, and a copy of "Agent in Old Lace."

Are you all set to go? Are you rarin' to get ready?

Here are your clues. Each of the bloggers listed below can be found in the sidebar of my blog, either under the "If I'm Not Home, You Can Find Me Here" heading, or the "Or You Might Find Me Here" heading. You may need to do a little clicking and scrolling, but hey, to the victor go the spoils ... or, to the victor goes the cool prize.

"Who" Clues:

1. This blogger raises chickens and wrote "Lemon Tart."

2. This blogger runs marathons and wrote "Parenting the Ephraim's Child."3. This blogger is a political activist and wrote "Out of the Shadows ... Into the Light."4. This blogger makes pottery and wrote "False Pretenses."5. This blogger was raised in a drug store and wrote "The Forgotten Warrior."

"Where" Clues:1.

This blogger was born overseas and wrote "Reasonable Doubt."

2. This blogger used to live in England and wrote "Please, No Zits."

3. This blogger wrote a darling picture book about Down Syndrome and is the author of "Heaven Scent."

4. This blogger is a former publisher and is the assistant manager at Provident Book.

5. This blogger feels like toast and wrote "The Santa Letters."

"With What" Clues:

1. This blogger founded ANWA and wrote "Trail of Storms."

2. This blogger is a seminary teacher and wrote "Powerful Tips for Powerful Teachers."

3. This blogger is addicted to peanut butter cups and wrote "Shadow of the Crown."

4. This blogger is a Whitney Award winner and wrote "Counting Stars."

5. This blogger is a nurse and wrote "Sharing Through Song."

6. This blogger is the Utah Best in State Award winner for Fiction, 2007, and wrote "Tower of Strength."

Okay! You've been given your directions. Visit the designated blogs and look for your clues. Your clues will be marked with this symbol:

(THIS IS WHERE YOU NEED TO GO TO TRISTI'S BLOG TO SEE THE PICTURE OF THE SYMBOL)

You may need all the clues in that category to pinpoint the information you need. You have until May 30th at midnight send me an e-mail with your guess as to who, where, and with what. You can piece it all together by using the Internet as your guide. A hint ... on the "what," the first two clues tell you what brand, the second two clues tell you what kind, and the last clues tell you what item.

Good luck!!

10 Things Parents Can Do to Help Prevent Eating Disorders

I found this list I would like to post in hopes of empowering parents in the effort to provide an emotionally healthy home environment for their children. (List found on The Fitness JumpSite)

The list breaks down things we can do as parents and does mention leading by example. I would like to add the fact that girls with mother's who diet are 12% more likely to have an eating disorder.

3 powerful factors that are connected with teens with eating disorders are: if their mom diets, if their sister diets, and/or if their friends diet.

10 Things Parents Can Do to Help Prevent Eating Disorders
by Michael Levine, Ph.D.

1. Examine the ways in which your beliefs and attitudes and behaviors about your own body and the bodies of others have been shaped by the forces of weightism and sexism. Then educate your children about (a) the genetic basic differences in body types; and (b) the nature and ugliness of prejudice.

2. Examine closely your dreams and goals for your children and other loved ones. Are you overemphasizing beauty and body shape, particularly for girls? Avoid conveying an attitude which says in effect "I will like you more if you lose weight, don't eat so much, look more like the slender models in the ads, fit into more slimmer clothes, etc. Decide what you can do and stop doing to reduce teasing, criticism, blaming, staring, etc. that reinforce the vilification of overweight and the glorification of slenderness.

3. Learn about and discuss with your sons and daughters, (a) the dangers of trying to alter one's body shape through dieting; (b) the value of moderate exercising toward stamina and cardiovascular fitness; and (c) the importance of eating a variety of foods in well-balanced meals consumed at least three times a day. Avoid dichotomizing foods into "good/safe/no-fat or low-fat vs. bad/dangerous/fattening". Be a good role model in regard to sensible eating, sensible exercise, and self-acceptance.

4. Make a commitment to exercise for the joy of feeling your body move and function effectively, not to purge fat from your body or compensate for calories eaten.

5. Make a commitment not to avoid activities (such as swimming, sunbathing, dancing) simply because they call attention to your weight and shape. Similarly, refuse to wear clothes that are uncomfortable or that you dislike, simply because they divert attention from weight or shape.

6. Practice taking people in general and women in particular, seriously for what they say, feel, and do, not for how slender or "well put together" they appear.

7. Make a commitment to help children (both male and female) appreciate and resist the ways in which television, magazines, and other media distort the true diversity of human body types and imply that a slender body means power, excitement, and sexuality.

8. Make a commitment to educating boys about the various forms of violence against women, including weightism, and their responsibilities for preventing it.

9. Encourage your children to be active and to enjoy what their bodies can do and feel like. Do not limit their caloric intake unless a physician requests that you do this because of a medical problem.

10. Do whatever you can to promote the self-esteem and self-respect of your daughters and nieces, and sisters in intellectual, athletic, and social endeavors. Give boys and girls the same opportunities and encouragement. Be careful not to suggest that females are less important than males, e.g., by exempting males from housework and childcare. A well-rounded self and solid self-esteem are perhaps the best antidotes to mindless dieting and disordered eating.

A huge one I would like to add was touched somewhat with number one but here's my take on it: NEVER put yourself down in front of your children! In their eyes you are perfect, and the symbol of everything wonderful and grand. If they see you put your self down or calling yourself fat not only will they emulate this behavior, but they will think "If she (being magnificent in the child's eyes) isn't good enough and hates her body, then I (someone who is LESS marvelous) should even more so dislike my body.

We will all make mistakes as parents, but I feel if you can keep these things in you mind you are more likely to raise a self confident, mentally sound child.