I was thinking about how much power there is in saying you're sorry. I'm not talking about when you have wronged someone this time, I'm talking about giving sympathy.

Have you ever wondered what to say to someone when they are telling you about personal trauma they have experienced? Whether it is just saying "sorry you had a bad day," or "sorry you had to go through that." It might be what they need to hear.

You may find when you don't know what to say to help someone just allowing them to tell their story, then saying sorry sincerely, will be the best way to give comfort to your loved one.

I've found great peace and satisfaction myself when someone will just listen, have true empathy, and express their compassion for what I've went through.

Nothing to Fear

I've decided there is definitely truth in the statement by Franklin D. Roosevelt who said: "There is nothing to fear but fear itself."

There are many aspects in our life where this is true but where I found it to be true is with the stinking swine flu of all things.

So hear me out, I had the swine flu... badly actually. I even ran into some serious complications because I am pregnant and had some breathing trouble. I'm not completely making light of it because it was a little scary for a few days and I do know that people have and will actually die from it. However, the regular old flu has killed far more people each year.

My point? Hearing about H1N1 / Swine Flu for the last few months was making me crazy! I was literally freaking out about it. I felt anxiety and fear. I had some concerns about the vaccination for it too, but was planning on getting it especially since I am pregnant. I was filled with fear for my kids and was seriously panicky about the whole thing.

THE CURE FOR THE FEAR OF GETTING THE SWINE FLU IS GETTING IT!

Seriously, I was sick and so was my little guy, but it wasn't as bad as the feelings of fear and no control over this illness that was just plan freaking me out!

I'm so thankful that if I was going to get the H1N1 flu that I got it earlier in the flu season instead of driving myself mad with worry all winter. I definitely think the fear about it was worse than just getting it and getting it over with!

I decided to apply this principal in other aspects of my life. I remember watching a show years ago, it was actually on Dr. Phil, he was visiting with a lady that was obsessed with worry that her husband was going to cheat on her. He said something that I found to be powerful, he said, "what if in 50 years from now you are laying there and he never cheated?" Think of all the time, energy, and emotions you wasted for 50 years... for something that never happened.

Home work assignment:

Think of something you are constantly worried about. Your kid's health? Money? You're husband losing his job? Whatever it is, try to catch yourself worrying about it and ask yourself "What if in 50 years from now my husband never got fired. What I feared never happened. Will it be worth all the years of stressing?"

Two New Reviews

I wanted to share the last two recent reviews on A Future for Tomorrow. What is neat about both these reviews is that I didn't ask for either. It is a great honor to find out a person had read my book and decided to do a review about it. Thank you!

A review by Karen Gowen was posted yesterday on her blog Coming Down the Mountain.

She is the author of Farm Girl and Uncut Diamonds.

She seems like a remarkable lady and it would be a pleasure for me to meet her one day. ( Click on Karen's name or here for the review)

The other review was posted a couple weeks ago by Tamara Heiner


(Click on Tamara Heniner's name to read review)

She is also a writer who will publish her first book in 2010.

Tamara is planning on doing an interview with me shortly which will also be posted on her blog, Chasing Dreams. I will let you know what it is posted.

We are so excited that we are getting a baby boy to add to our family! I already have a 5 year old son and a 2 year old girl. We are delighted by the news.

TV Interview

I did a TV interview last Oct. and was given this link recently that shows part of the interview. If you would like to watch it here is the link.

http://www.confettiantiques.com/book-reviews/a-future-for-tomorrow-surviving-anorexia-my-spiritual-journey-by-hailey-hatch-freeman/

I'm hoping to do more once my health improves from this pregnancy.

By Mark L. Shurtleff

I'm thrilled about the new publishing agency Valor Publisher because of several reasons but one being that three of the neatest people I have met since I became an author are involved with it (Tristi, Karen, and Candace).
Here is a link to Valor's Blog

I want to share some information and discount opportunity with you.

Utah State Attorney General Mark Shurtleff’s ground-breaking new novel, “Am I Not A Man: The Dred Scott Story” is now available for pre-order at a reduced price.

An illiterate slave, Dred Scott trusted in an all-white, slave-owning jury to declare him free. But after briefly experiencing the glory of freedom and manhood, anew state Supreme Court ordered the cold steel of the shackles to be closed again around his wrists and ankles. Falling to his knees, Dred cried, "Ain't I a man?" Dred answered his own question by rising and taking his fight to the U.S. SupremeCourt.

Dred ultimately lost his epic battle when the Chief Justice declared that a black man was so inferior that he had "no rights a white man was bound to respect."

Dred died not knowing that his undying courage led directly to the election of President Abraham Lincoln and the emancipation proclamation.

Dred Scott's inspiring and compelling true story of adventure, courage, love,hatred, and friendship parallels the history of this nation from the long night of slavery to the narrow crack in the door that would ultimately lead to freedom and equality for all men.

You can order your sale-priced, signed and numbered limited edition copy of “Am I Not a Man” by visiting http://www.valorpublishinggroup.com before Labor Day. There are only 5,000 copies of this special edition being printed and once they’re gone, they’re gone … and the sale price ends on Labor Day. You can request that Mark personalize your inscription, and your book will be mailed to you before the stores even get their copies. For more information, visithttp://www.valorpublishinggroup.com

I'm anxious to read this book and can think of several others in my family that I know would love it as well.

My sincere wishes of best luck to Valor and "Am I Not a Man"

Their Weakness

Do you have a specific person in your life that has judged or criticized you? Are they someone constant and important in your life? Maybe a spouse or parent?

Do you feel pressure to shape your behavior to mold to what they think is acceptable?
This person might be wonderful in all other aspects, but they have a weakness to judge in this area and it causes you pain.

I’m going to share one of the most powerful words of council I received.

But first I need you to picture the behavior and examine what you believe about it.
I’m going to use the example of food and weight because it seems to be the most prevalent and something I can relate to.
What is the believe surrounding eating certain foods or being overweight imposed on you by your loved one?
Do you feel that they wont love you if you are too heavy? Do you feel guilty when you eat a certain food around them, because they don’t approve of it? Is there something really "sinful" about the food or amount?
Do you think this person will be disappointed in you if gain weight or not loss weight?
(Place your issue into this type of analyse.)

Now I want you to review what is true. What is right?
Food shouldn't hold that much power, it is only a substance.
Your value and worth doesn’t change when the scale's number does. Does Heavenly Father love you less when you eat ice cream? Does He value you less when you are a heavier weight? Does Heavenly Father want you to feel guilty for eating?

The second set of believes are eternal truth so the other believes are wrong or even sinful to a degree because it is contrary to what is God’s truth.

Now here is the council that helped change my life:

WHY LIVE YOUR LIFE TO SOMEONE ELSE’S WEAKNESS OR THEIR “SINFUL, FLAWED BELIEVE?

Again,

WHY LIVE YOUR LIFE TO SOMEONE ELSE’S WEAKNESS?

I decided I wasn’t going to. That I wasn’t going to put this person before Heavenly Father and His truth, by living to this person’s flawed believe. I want to live to what is true and place value on Heavenly Father’s truth. I will no longer live to conform my life to follow someone else’s weakness.

Personal Story

For those of you who have read my book A Future for Tomorrow, you know that it is much more than a story about overcoming anorexia. It is a deeply personal and spiritual story as well.

I experienced extraordinary spiritual happens that I feel I depicted respectfully and accurately the way I felt guided to relay the events.

I came away from that experience with many precious truths, but one was specifically focused on the importance of service. It is a huge part of why we are here on Earth.

Right now I'm in a hard place physically. As I mentioned briefly in my last post, I get extremely ill during my pregnancies. This one is no exception. It seems every day is worse that the last. Without sounding like I'm complaining I will just say it has been a trail to say the least.

I want to share with you the story of an incredible women in my ward. She probably will never read this since she doesn't have a computer, so my reasoning to write it isn't for her, but to hopefully inspire you to continue the service chain and reach out to those who are in need around you.

The story actually begins around three years ago. When I saw who was assigned to be my visiting teacher I had to chuckle. "What an odd match," I thought, "pairing the not only vegetarian but vegan in the ward with the rancher's daughter." (me being the rancher's daughter)

I was convinced she would try to force her believes on me and try to "convert" me to her no-meat friendly diet, but I was surprised that she was completely accepting and respectful of other's life style with no desire to change them.

I began to know her casually, but not until I was pregnant with my daughter did I truly see how remarkable this lady was.

When she caught word of my suffering and inability to keep enough food and water in that I was struggling with dehydration among other things she popped into my house and wouldn't take no for an answer. She did dishes, brought over meals, surprised me with bowls of freshly prepared watermelon, told me about home remedies for morning sickness --leaving me with a few, and constantly kept tabs on me.

I don't think I ever got completely comfortable accepting the help especially when it came to her cleaning my house, but wow what a blessing she was. She told me that her pregnancies are hard as well and when she was bed ridden she had a visiting teacher who did the same for her and she decided right then and there she would pass the charitable helping hand on. I too vowed to do the same when I was in a place and time where I could.

After my, now two year old daughter, was born. I did do my best to serve anyone who needed it and made sure my name was always on the sign up sheet to take meals to those in need.

My visiting teacher was reassigned to visit another sister, but I was still thrilled to see her in church and share a brief moment of sisterhood.

I remember thinking that no one would ever have been able to help me the way she did and have the true compassion and understanding of how severely ill I was. I knew the Relief Society Presidency was inspired to place me under her care.

Years went by, as they do, and it was months in between hellos with my dear sister.

My husband and I decided to embark at least one more time on the journey of pregnancy. It was not taken lightly or without fear since I knew what I was in for. (basically compared to having the worst stomach flu you can imagine for nine months) It had been months and months of trying and still I was not pregnant. I started doubting if it was the right thing. I feared that something was wrong and I wouldn't be able to carry another child.

One unexpecting day I received a phone call from the Relief Society President to tell me I had new visiting teachers. I was shocked to hear that my kindly sister was called to me again! I had never had a visiting teacher called to me more than once. The thought came to my mind that maybe I would be getting pregnant soon and that is why she was paired with me again. She was meant to help me out on this trail once again.

Soon I received a call from my v.t and she said that she saw me in church a few weeks before and the impression came to her that I was going to get pregnant and I would need her help once again. She vowed that she was going to continue to help me regardless of being my visiting teacher or not, but just a few days later she was told she was assigned to me again.

This brought tears to my eyes as I visited her on the phone since I had started to loss hope in conceiving.

A little more than a month later we did receive the exciting news that I was indeed pregnant and less than two weeks later I was bed ridden once again.

Yesterday, who do you think popped up? My v.t she had a meal and as I lay helpless eating it on the couch I heard her buzzing around my house. She did dishes, cleaned, swept, took out the garbage, and entertained my two children. The grateful feelings of her service brought tears to my eyes more than once while she was here. Hours later she helped me up the stairs and into bed, but not before she brushed my kids teeth and had them ready for bed as well.

It is always hard for me and humbling to accept her help. I have to push the embarrassment behind and just be grateful. I have to remind myself that once I am well again I will too show this "don't take no for an answer" kind of service to others. (I call it that because how many times have I told her that she has done enough and she doesn't need to do it, but she does anyway.)

I am eternally grateful to her and to the others who have offered me help during this time. Especially to my husband who has taken on double the responsibilities and never complains.

I hope this story inspires you to show kindness and not take no for an answer when the Lord prompts you to serve your fellow brother or sisters.

Announcement

I want to officially announce to my readers that I am pregnant! I have a five year old son and a two year old daughter who are ecstatic about having a new baby. (My husband too of course) I'm due March 1st.

One thing that goes along with my pregnancies is sever morning sickness (what a inaccurate name- all day sickness is more like it.) I actually am extremely sick for the entire nine months as well. There are more fun medical details about it, but I won't get into all of it.

I'll try to still keep up the occasional post but if you don't hear from me that is why.

Deserted Island

For this week's challenge I want you to ask yourself how your behavior would change if you were alone on a deserted island.

It is only you and God.

Would you eat differently? Would you feel guilty for eating certain things? Would your ideal weight change?

What other aspects of your life would be different?

Would you feel accepted and whole since you had no one to judge you.

Would you feel more worthy and adequate since there was no one to compare yourself to?

Would you be at peace not worrying about what other's thought about you?

Take a few minutes to ponder this question. Write about it in your journal if you have one.

How does this exercise make you feel about living your life today? Will you change how you let other's make you feel? How will you change to bring more self-acceptance and peace in your life?

LDS Publisher

I have recently become a follower and reader of a resourceful blog called LDS Publisher. It is written by an unknown publisher and it gives great advice for us authors or want-to-be authors.

The blogger allows you to ask her any questions and she will answer them in a post and give tips to better the chance of getting published or to better your writing.

She also gives two books away a month. To enter you just have to read her posts and leave a thoughtful comment. This month my book is being featured. I'm excited to be apart of it! Click here to check out LDS Publisher and to enter to win.

The Landmark List

I am so excited to spread the word about the new release of The Landmark list! I really can't say enough about the power of this book by Karen C. Eddington.

Karen is not only an author and public speaker, but she also founded and is the president of a non-profit organization called Cauliflower Retreat.

I was honored to have the privileged to read this work before it was in print and was thrilled to find out my endorsement statement was chosen to be on the back of her book along with a family therapist. Here are our quotes:

"The Landmark List's powerful message is life changing and invaluable. Karen Eddington has cleverly merged self-improvement with characters you can journey with to find self-acceptance, purpose, and peace." --Haley Hatch Freeman
Author of A Future for Tomorrow

"The Landmark List will rescue you from the monotony and stress of everyday life and help you create yourself, your goals, your dreams, your relationships, and the life you have longed for."--Kevin N. Barlow, M.S.
Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist

I have found that each chapter, if not each page, is loaded with life changing messages, quotes, and food for thought that I have decided to break it down and work on each piece a week or a few days at a time. I recommend everyone doing the same.


I love that Karen put quotes throughout the book. Here are a couple of my favorite:


"Feeling self-worth is a result of choice and accountability. Everyday, we create ourselves."


"If you can identify a purpose in everything you do, it will make you great."



Buy The Landmark List from amazon.com here


Karen's first book Today I live... is also a powerful tool. It is for women of any age, but relates exceptionally well to teenage girls.
The Landmark list is geared to adults both men and women, however young adults could benefit from it as well. Again both books are a must read in my opinion.

Weekly Challenge:

In honor of the release of The Landmark List, this weeks challenge is to create your own list go to Karen's site for the details: here

BOOK GIVEAWAY

Author Anne Bradshaw is hosting a book giveaway on her blog.

The give away is a book by Kersten Campbell

"Overwhelmed? Tired? Stressed? Then you need the laughter therapy that is in this book!"

To learn more and to enter the contest go to Anne's blog Not Entirely Britsh

Food Messages

As parents we can often send messages about food to our children without knowing it. Here are a few things to be aware of.

*From a young age do you reward them with food? Do you say, “If you are good today at the store Mom will buy you a treat?”

* Is food withheld as a punishment? Example: “If you don’t behave I will send you to bed without dinner.”

*Do you give candy or a treat to your child when they are hurt to try to get them to stop crying?

This is dangerous because it teaches the child to not cry and feel and express their emotions but to deny them, stuff them away, and eat. Saying, "There is nothing really wrong, here is something nice to distract you." The better way is picking the child up from a fall and say "I know you are upset. Let's look at your elbow and see if you need a Band-Aid."

*Do you tell your child to ignore their own body’s full signal and to still eat everything on the plate regardless? Encourage your child to try to listen to their own body. If it says it is full then they should stop eating, if they feel hunger they should eat. Sometimes my little ones say they are hungry when I know they had recently eaten and shouldn't be hungry yet. I ask, "what does your belly say? Does it say you are hungry?" Often I find they are bored or just thirsty.

*Do they hear you say to a friend “I was bad and had some cookies last night?”

Each of these send unhealthy connections to food. It links behavior with food. The last one links guilt with certain food which is the most dangerous of them all. j

That is why I hate commercials that say "Fat-free, guilt-free ice cream"

or the famous restaurant where you will find on their menu "Guilt Free Menu" where their low-fat meals are.

I know for me this helped impact the guilt I felt for eating. Awareness is key and as a parent we need to combat these messages the best we can.

Any Questions?

Since one of my favorite times during presentations is the question and answer part at the end, I decided to have a Q&A on this blog.

If you have any questions about eating disorders in general or my own experience, self-esteem, my writing and publishing journey, "What would you do?" scenarios, or even something totally unrelated e-mail me at afuturefortomorrow@gmail.com

I'll keep your questions completely confidential.

You never know how many people have the same question and by you asking it it might help them.

I look forward to hearing from you!