My Letter

I wanted to post something I wrote from my heart to those who are suffering from eating disorders. I wrote it for the end of my book and you can find it there next to the pictures, but I wanted to share it on my blog.

If you have a friend or family member who you think it struggling with an eating disorder please feel free to print this off and share it with them. It might help them know that they aren't alone and there is someone who truly understands their pain.


To those who are suffering:
I speak to you with all sincerity from the deepest part of my heart. I truly understand your anguish and battle over this substance named food. I acknowledge that not everyone with Anorexia or other eating disorders has the same experience, but I speak from what I know.

First and foremost, I plead for you to go to someone with your problem. Get professional help. This disease will not stop without treatment. Do not believe that you can heal alone. For months I tried with every ounce of energy inside myself to overcome the mental monster that taunted each bite, but I still lost weight and grew increasingly ill. I allowed the disorder to control me until, according to all medical understanding, I should have died. It did literally kill me, and only by the will and power of our Father in Heaven was I permitted to continue my journey on Earth. Do not allow this disease to bind you to that depth of physical catastrophe.

Know that no number on the scale or size on a label is small enough to give you joy. Do not allow yourself to fall into the belief that “If I lose five more pounds, I will be happy.” This notion is false and destructive. I know, because at 85 pounds I was more miserable and lost than at the healthier size I was after recovery and am today.

I know there is a battle within you. A part of you wants to get healthy and stop the deprivation, and part of you doesn’t. Trust my words: you want to heal. There is life more glorious than you can imagine waiting for you. You need to heal to be capable of enjoying it.


I know how the disorder becomes part of your identity, who you think you are. You may feel, “Who am I, if I’m not an anorexic?” You need to find a passion, a purpose. Make that a part of your identity and leave the disorder behind.

You are worthy of all nourishment and health. Thinness is not perfection. You don’t need to be perfect; allow yourself to be human. Recognize that your sorrow is not about food, but about deeper issues. Get treatment for them. Learn to love yourself and love your body.


You are unique, beautiful, and loved by many, including our God and His son Jesus Christ. Even if you doubt their Deity, know that I know they love you, and know you personally. You have great worth and a purpose, an individual plan that only you can complete. Get the assistance you need to heal and achieve it.

(published in A Future for Tomorrow by Haley Freeman)

The Winner Is...

The winner of a free signed copy of A Future for Tomorrow is...

Nicole!

(Nicole please e-mail me at afuturefortomorrow@gmail.com)

Thank you to those who entered and helped share the word about my contest.

Remember the discount price and FREE shipping sale for A Future for Tomorrow goes until Jan 1st.

Merry Christmas!

Extra Entries

If you want to triple your chance to win a signed copy of A Future for Tomorrow all you need to do is mention my blog (afuturefortomorrow.blogspot.com) , websites (afuturefortomorrow.com or haleyhfreeman.com), my book, or this contest (see last post) on your facebook, twitter, or blog.

Leave me a comment letting me know and a link so I can check it out.

I will put your name in THREE times for the drawing!

(refer to last post for contest details)

Thank you for helping me spread the word!

Free Book Christmas Giveaway!!!

For Christmas I am offering a free book of A Future for Tomorrow.

Also, until Jan 1st there will be no shipping and a discount price!

In stores A Future for Tomorrow regularly sells for 16.95 plus tax but I'm offering it for only 15.00, but only to those who order here from my blog. Just click on the "Buy Now" button the top of the side bar.

A GREAT GIFT FOR ANYONE ESPECIALLY THE WOMEN IN YOUR LIFE!

"It is so inspiring for anyone to read! Even if you or no one you know has an eating disorder. It is a book of endurance, faith, hope, courage, parental unconditional love, knowledge of the life after death, and a renewal of life......a miracle!" --Kristen, Pasco, Washington

"Haley's book, written in the first person, is as tense and dramatic as a thriller novel. "--Tamara Heiner, book reviewer and writer

"After reading A Future for Tomorrow, I had the desire to look at myself through Heavenly Father's eyes and see the good in His child. And I have Haley to thank for that..." -- Stacy Gooch Anderson, Author & Reviewer

"I know for myself it gave me hope and blessed me with an even keener sense of our Father's love.” --Lori Nawyn, graphic designer, author, artist, and photographer.

"As I finished the last page and closed the book, I found myself thinking that all youth, youth leaders and parents should read this book. It’s a must read!" --Shari Bird, Tooele Utah

(For more reviews scroll down and see right side bar or visit http://www.afuturefortomorrow.com/ or http://www.haleyhfreeman.com/ )

To Enter Free Book Giveaway: Leave a comment on this post and any post after this one until December 16th at midnight. Leave your e-mail so I can contact you if you win. There will be a random drawing and I will send a signed copy to the winner. Winner announced Thurs. December 17th. Good Luck!

SPECIAL GROUP DISCOUNT

For those of you who are interested in ordering multiple copies of A Future for Tomorrow for Young Women's or other groups contact me at afuturefortomorrow@gmail.com for a special discount price.

New Interview

I want to share an interview that Tamara Heiner has posted on her blog, Chasing Dreams
Most of her questions are different than any I've been asked before with both fun and serious ones. Click here for interview.

She is a new author with her first book being published in the Fall of 2010. Congrats!

Tamara also reviewed my book a little while ago, click here to see it.

Thank you so much Tamara for the review and for the interview!

The Magic of Allowing Imperfection

A little while ago I was watching a BYU broadcast and there was a talk by Kip Rasmussen PHD mft called "The Magic of Allowing Imperfection." The talk was about eating disorders and how parents can help prevent them.

I have posted another list of things parents can do which I agree with but it wasn't an LDS specific list. Also I have come up with my own list that I haven't posted because I use it for my presentations and media appearances.

I wanted to share a few things I got out of Brother Rasmussen's talk with you because it was one of the best comprehensive talks I've heard that really "gets" the disorder. It also hits exactly on points that I think are powerful for parents to know in raising their child not only free from an eating disorder but other self-esteem and addictive problems. Also, he speaks to those who are suffering.

Here is a link to the entire talk, I highly recommend you watch or read it.

"The Magic of Allowing Imperfection" by Kip Rasmussen

This is what I took away from the talk:

What Parents Can Do to Prevent Eating Disorders:

(I think most of these are good for parents to do and will reap benefits independently of anything to do with eating disorders)

1. Catch kids doing something right. Give praise freely. Behavior that gets attention is usually repeated - good or bad.

2. Spend time with your kids. Sounds simple enough, just spending time will help you build a bond and trust with your child.

3. Encourage them to have their own voice. I thought this was interesting because I don't know why but growing up I did feel too weak, ashamed, or untitled to my own voice. I was timid and shy, feeling like I couldn't "make waves." I think this also can set a child up to be a victim of other situations so let you child know it is okay to "go against the grain" and that their voice is valid and important.

4. Teach that we don't value people based on appearance. You can do this with discussion as well as setting the example.

How You Can Help a Loved One With an Eating Disorder:

( I am often asked this question by interviewers. It is one of the hardest questions for me to answer since looking back at my own situation I saw how defiant I was to others trying to help me. I was in denial and in a dark place where I didn't feel worthy of help. In my case I know I had to literally hit rock bottom and feel myself dying before I could get help. I see the value in this list and hope by using it as a guide that you can reach your loved one before she gets to the life threatening state I was at.)

1. Empathize without offering advice or judgment.

2. Work on your own approach to food.

3. Let her know how much you love them- unconditionally.

4. Refrain from being "food Police."

5. Refrain from making judgments of why she has eating disorder.

6. Spend time together.

7. Enquire often about her emotional well being and be there for her.

8. Ask her if there are specific ways you can help her.

(In Brother Rasmussen's talk he explains each step better than I can.)

To Those Who Have Eating Disorders:

At the end of my book, before the pictures, I wrote a heartfelt plea to those who are suffering. If any of you want a copy of that page please let me know and would love to give it to you. My e-mail is afuturefortomorrow@gmail.com

This is the list Brother Rasmussen used in his speech:

1. Don't push friends away. Don't isolate yourself.

2. Allow family in.

3. Know that appearances and accomplishments wont met what you crave - love, acceptance, etc.

4. Speak your mind, have a voice, feel emotions, get in touch with your needs and feelings.

5. Don't judge yourself so harshly.

6. GET HELP, be open and honest to counselor.

I couldn't agree more with this list. There is great power of healing in these steps.

I would like to add

* FIND A PASSION

*PRAY TO KNOW YOUR WORTH.

I was thinking about how much power there is in saying you're sorry. I'm not talking about when you have wronged someone this time, I'm talking about giving sympathy.

Have you ever wondered what to say to someone when they are telling you about personal trauma they have experienced? Whether it is just saying "sorry you had a bad day," or "sorry you had to go through that." It might be what they need to hear.

You may find when you don't know what to say to help someone just allowing them to tell their story, then saying sorry sincerely, will be the best way to give comfort to your loved one.

I've found great peace and satisfaction myself when someone will just listen, have true empathy, and express their compassion for what I've went through.

Nothing to Fear

I've decided there is definitely truth in the statement by Franklin D. Roosevelt who said: "There is nothing to fear but fear itself."

There are many aspects in our life where this is true but where I found it to be true is with the stinking swine flu of all things.

So hear me out, I had the swine flu... badly actually. I even ran into some serious complications because I am pregnant and had some breathing trouble. I'm not completely making light of it because it was a little scary for a few days and I do know that people have and will actually die from it. However, the regular old flu has killed far more people each year.

My point? Hearing about H1N1 / Swine Flu for the last few months was making me crazy! I was literally freaking out about it. I felt anxiety and fear. I had some concerns about the vaccination for it too, but was planning on getting it especially since I am pregnant. I was filled with fear for my kids and was seriously panicky about the whole thing.

THE CURE FOR THE FEAR OF GETTING THE SWINE FLU IS GETTING IT!

Seriously, I was sick and so was my little guy, but it wasn't as bad as the feelings of fear and no control over this illness that was just plan freaking me out!

I'm so thankful that if I was going to get the H1N1 flu that I got it earlier in the flu season instead of driving myself mad with worry all winter. I definitely think the fear about it was worse than just getting it and getting it over with!

I decided to apply this principal in other aspects of my life. I remember watching a show years ago, it was actually on Dr. Phil, he was visiting with a lady that was obsessed with worry that her husband was going to cheat on her. He said something that I found to be powerful, he said, "what if in 50 years from now you are laying there and he never cheated?" Think of all the time, energy, and emotions you wasted for 50 years... for something that never happened.

Home work assignment:

Think of something you are constantly worried about. Your kid's health? Money? You're husband losing his job? Whatever it is, try to catch yourself worrying about it and ask yourself "What if in 50 years from now my husband never got fired. What I feared never happened. Will it be worth all the years of stressing?"

Two New Reviews

I wanted to share the last two recent reviews on A Future for Tomorrow. What is neat about both these reviews is that I didn't ask for either. It is a great honor to find out a person had read my book and decided to do a review about it. Thank you!

A review by Karen Gowen was posted yesterday on her blog Coming Down the Mountain.

She is the author of Farm Girl and Uncut Diamonds.

She seems like a remarkable lady and it would be a pleasure for me to meet her one day. ( Click on Karen's name or here for the review)

The other review was posted a couple weeks ago by Tamara Heiner


(Click on Tamara Heniner's name to read review)

She is also a writer who will publish her first book in 2010.

Tamara is planning on doing an interview with me shortly which will also be posted on her blog, Chasing Dreams. I will let you know what it is posted.

We are so excited that we are getting a baby boy to add to our family! I already have a 5 year old son and a 2 year old girl. We are delighted by the news.

TV Interview

I did a TV interview last Oct. and was given this link recently that shows part of the interview. If you would like to watch it here is the link.

http://www.confettiantiques.com/book-reviews/a-future-for-tomorrow-surviving-anorexia-my-spiritual-journey-by-hailey-hatch-freeman/

I'm hoping to do more once my health improves from this pregnancy.

By Mark L. Shurtleff

I'm thrilled about the new publishing agency Valor Publisher because of several reasons but one being that three of the neatest people I have met since I became an author are involved with it (Tristi, Karen, and Candace).
Here is a link to Valor's Blog

I want to share some information and discount opportunity with you.

Utah State Attorney General Mark Shurtleff’s ground-breaking new novel, “Am I Not A Man: The Dred Scott Story” is now available for pre-order at a reduced price.

An illiterate slave, Dred Scott trusted in an all-white, slave-owning jury to declare him free. But after briefly experiencing the glory of freedom and manhood, anew state Supreme Court ordered the cold steel of the shackles to be closed again around his wrists and ankles. Falling to his knees, Dred cried, "Ain't I a man?" Dred answered his own question by rising and taking his fight to the U.S. SupremeCourt.

Dred ultimately lost his epic battle when the Chief Justice declared that a black man was so inferior that he had "no rights a white man was bound to respect."

Dred died not knowing that his undying courage led directly to the election of President Abraham Lincoln and the emancipation proclamation.

Dred Scott's inspiring and compelling true story of adventure, courage, love,hatred, and friendship parallels the history of this nation from the long night of slavery to the narrow crack in the door that would ultimately lead to freedom and equality for all men.

You can order your sale-priced, signed and numbered limited edition copy of “Am I Not a Man” by visiting http://www.valorpublishinggroup.com before Labor Day. There are only 5,000 copies of this special edition being printed and once they’re gone, they’re gone … and the sale price ends on Labor Day. You can request that Mark personalize your inscription, and your book will be mailed to you before the stores even get their copies. For more information, visithttp://www.valorpublishinggroup.com

I'm anxious to read this book and can think of several others in my family that I know would love it as well.

My sincere wishes of best luck to Valor and "Am I Not a Man"

Their Weakness

Do you have a specific person in your life that has judged or criticized you? Are they someone constant and important in your life? Maybe a spouse or parent?

Do you feel pressure to shape your behavior to mold to what they think is acceptable?
This person might be wonderful in all other aspects, but they have a weakness to judge in this area and it causes you pain.

I’m going to share one of the most powerful words of council I received.

But first I need you to picture the behavior and examine what you believe about it.
I’m going to use the example of food and weight because it seems to be the most prevalent and something I can relate to.
What is the believe surrounding eating certain foods or being overweight imposed on you by your loved one?
Do you feel that they wont love you if you are too heavy? Do you feel guilty when you eat a certain food around them, because they don’t approve of it? Is there something really "sinful" about the food or amount?
Do you think this person will be disappointed in you if gain weight or not loss weight?
(Place your issue into this type of analyse.)

Now I want you to review what is true. What is right?
Food shouldn't hold that much power, it is only a substance.
Your value and worth doesn’t change when the scale's number does. Does Heavenly Father love you less when you eat ice cream? Does He value you less when you are a heavier weight? Does Heavenly Father want you to feel guilty for eating?

The second set of believes are eternal truth so the other believes are wrong or even sinful to a degree because it is contrary to what is God’s truth.

Now here is the council that helped change my life:

WHY LIVE YOUR LIFE TO SOMEONE ELSE’S WEAKNESS OR THEIR “SINFUL, FLAWED BELIEVE?

Again,

WHY LIVE YOUR LIFE TO SOMEONE ELSE’S WEAKNESS?

I decided I wasn’t going to. That I wasn’t going to put this person before Heavenly Father and His truth, by living to this person’s flawed believe. I want to live to what is true and place value on Heavenly Father’s truth. I will no longer live to conform my life to follow someone else’s weakness.

Personal Story

For those of you who have read my book A Future for Tomorrow, you know that it is much more than a story about overcoming anorexia. It is a deeply personal and spiritual story as well.

I experienced extraordinary spiritual happens that I feel I depicted respectfully and accurately the way I felt guided to relay the events.

I came away from that experience with many precious truths, but one was specifically focused on the importance of service. It is a huge part of why we are here on Earth.

Right now I'm in a hard place physically. As I mentioned briefly in my last post, I get extremely ill during my pregnancies. This one is no exception. It seems every day is worse that the last. Without sounding like I'm complaining I will just say it has been a trail to say the least.

I want to share with you the story of an incredible women in my ward. She probably will never read this since she doesn't have a computer, so my reasoning to write it isn't for her, but to hopefully inspire you to continue the service chain and reach out to those who are in need around you.

The story actually begins around three years ago. When I saw who was assigned to be my visiting teacher I had to chuckle. "What an odd match," I thought, "pairing the not only vegetarian but vegan in the ward with the rancher's daughter." (me being the rancher's daughter)

I was convinced she would try to force her believes on me and try to "convert" me to her no-meat friendly diet, but I was surprised that she was completely accepting and respectful of other's life style with no desire to change them.

I began to know her casually, but not until I was pregnant with my daughter did I truly see how remarkable this lady was.

When she caught word of my suffering and inability to keep enough food and water in that I was struggling with dehydration among other things she popped into my house and wouldn't take no for an answer. She did dishes, brought over meals, surprised me with bowls of freshly prepared watermelon, told me about home remedies for morning sickness --leaving me with a few, and constantly kept tabs on me.

I don't think I ever got completely comfortable accepting the help especially when it came to her cleaning my house, but wow what a blessing she was. She told me that her pregnancies are hard as well and when she was bed ridden she had a visiting teacher who did the same for her and she decided right then and there she would pass the charitable helping hand on. I too vowed to do the same when I was in a place and time where I could.

After my, now two year old daughter, was born. I did do my best to serve anyone who needed it and made sure my name was always on the sign up sheet to take meals to those in need.

My visiting teacher was reassigned to visit another sister, but I was still thrilled to see her in church and share a brief moment of sisterhood.

I remember thinking that no one would ever have been able to help me the way she did and have the true compassion and understanding of how severely ill I was. I knew the Relief Society Presidency was inspired to place me under her care.

Years went by, as they do, and it was months in between hellos with my dear sister.

My husband and I decided to embark at least one more time on the journey of pregnancy. It was not taken lightly or without fear since I knew what I was in for. (basically compared to having the worst stomach flu you can imagine for nine months) It had been months and months of trying and still I was not pregnant. I started doubting if it was the right thing. I feared that something was wrong and I wouldn't be able to carry another child.

One unexpecting day I received a phone call from the Relief Society President to tell me I had new visiting teachers. I was shocked to hear that my kindly sister was called to me again! I had never had a visiting teacher called to me more than once. The thought came to my mind that maybe I would be getting pregnant soon and that is why she was paired with me again. She was meant to help me out on this trail once again.

Soon I received a call from my v.t and she said that she saw me in church a few weeks before and the impression came to her that I was going to get pregnant and I would need her help once again. She vowed that she was going to continue to help me regardless of being my visiting teacher or not, but just a few days later she was told she was assigned to me again.

This brought tears to my eyes as I visited her on the phone since I had started to loss hope in conceiving.

A little more than a month later we did receive the exciting news that I was indeed pregnant and less than two weeks later I was bed ridden once again.

Yesterday, who do you think popped up? My v.t she had a meal and as I lay helpless eating it on the couch I heard her buzzing around my house. She did dishes, cleaned, swept, took out the garbage, and entertained my two children. The grateful feelings of her service brought tears to my eyes more than once while she was here. Hours later she helped me up the stairs and into bed, but not before she brushed my kids teeth and had them ready for bed as well.

It is always hard for me and humbling to accept her help. I have to push the embarrassment behind and just be grateful. I have to remind myself that once I am well again I will too show this "don't take no for an answer" kind of service to others. (I call it that because how many times have I told her that she has done enough and she doesn't need to do it, but she does anyway.)

I am eternally grateful to her and to the others who have offered me help during this time. Especially to my husband who has taken on double the responsibilities and never complains.

I hope this story inspires you to show kindness and not take no for an answer when the Lord prompts you to serve your fellow brother or sisters.

Announcement

I want to officially announce to my readers that I am pregnant! I have a five year old son and a two year old daughter who are ecstatic about having a new baby. (My husband too of course) I'm due March 1st.

One thing that goes along with my pregnancies is sever morning sickness (what a inaccurate name- all day sickness is more like it.) I actually am extremely sick for the entire nine months as well. There are more fun medical details about it, but I won't get into all of it.

I'll try to still keep up the occasional post but if you don't hear from me that is why.