Friday, July 2, 2010

Choose to Forgive Yourself

I had an interesting experience the other day.  When it comes to trying to be perfect, I am doing extremely well compared to where I have been in my life. But I still catch myself being way too hard on myself and not feeling like it is ok for me to error.  Maybe it is leaving a spelling error on a facebook status, or messing up while playing the piano in church, or any of the other imperfections I can list but I have to fight to not obsess over them.  I have to constantly be reminded that it's okay to be human. 

I had a powerful moment the other day when I realized the power of two things, one is choice, and one is forgiveness.

I have discovered over the past years that you can actually CHOSE your emotions. Yes, emotions, feelings, and your reaction to those feelings are actually all in your own control. 

Eleanore Roosevelt knew this principal, we all know her quote, "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."  Love it!

Here is a quote from Elder David A. Bednar, Of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, in his talk titled And Nothing Shall Offend Them
"It ultimately is impossible for another person to offend you or to offend me. Indeed, believing that another person offended us is fundamentally false. To be offended is a choice we make; it is not a condition inflicted or imposed upon us by someone or something else."

Or maybe you have heard people say they CHOSE to be a survivor instead of a victim.

The freedom of choice is a great blessing we have been given on this earth and is part of our Father in Heaven's plan.  
If you can choose your feelings then think of what great power this gives you.

I have decided to not let my imperfections consume me and to not feel unworthy or inadequate because of the lack of ability I have to be perfect.

Now this takes me to the next step of forgiving myself.  I did something the other day that I thought was less than acceptable, nothing big but it might have left me scolding myself for hours in the past.  This is what I DECIDED to be my inner dialog or self talk instead, "It's ok. I forgive you. I don't have to be flawless. I don't have to be everyone's hero. I'm going to be kind and gentle to myself. I want to show love to myself with or without perfect behavior."
WOW what a freeing moment that was! It literally changed something inside me.  Not only trying not to obsess over the mistake but to actually be forgiving and loving toward my actions was freeing and brought me peace.
I'm still a work in progress but this is a concept I want to keep practicing. I want to keep forgiving myself and allowing myself to be human.

Be kind and gentle to yourself. Allow yourself to feel your own love and forgiveness to yourself.  


Brenda said...

Hi Haley,
I just finished your book this morning. I have been very touched by your story. While I have not had to deal with the challenges you have faced I did relate to many of the feelings you shared in your book. I struggle with my weight because of a health problem I have that has also taken my fertility. I have 4 incredible children through adoption and feel very blessed. I grew up with a sister who suffered with Anorexia and Bulimia. She is healthy now for which our family is thankful! I just wanted to thank you for your story...I am amazed by your courage!
By the way....I love your name. My 2nd daughter has the same name and spelling. :) She is also tall.
I live near you...hope to meet you at some point. :)

Haley Hatch Freeman said...

Thank you Brenda it means the world to me to hear from my readers. I left a comment on your infertility blog.
again, sincere thanks