Monday, December 20, 2010

My daughter is struggling with self-esteem, what can I do?

This post is about an e-mail I received from my good friend Karen Eddington. She is the founder of the Cauliflower Retreat which I have mentioned several times.  You also can get on her mailing list to get these great self-esteem tips, updates, and online training content. Just go to their home page website (also or org)

"It is common theme I hear over and over. "My daughter is struggling with self-esteem. What can I do?" "My students are so worried about fitting in, how can I get through to them?" "I have a friend who is really struggling to find confidence. Is there something I can do to help her?" "I don't even know who I am anymore."

After ten years of researching these issues, doing outreach work across the state of Utah, and presenting on self-worth topics on a national level, I have started to see some common solutions that need to be made more available as a prevention medium. Here are some quick examples how we can think and act more positively about self-worth:

Recognize there is a principle of choice, accountability, and action when it comes to developing self-confidence.

Understand the difference between self-worth, self-esteem and potential. We need to educate our families, students, and loved ones that self-worth is already established. Our value as a person is not conditional. If we are looking to outside sources to define how important we are, the perception of our worth (our self-esteem-- ah, see the difference) is limited to that same exterior source.

We don't one day, unexplainably, "find" ourselves. We can however create ourselves.

Developing self-confidence is explainable. High self-esteem is not just magically bestowed upon a lucky few people. A high self-esteem comes from developing skills, implementing knowledge and building awareness.

Participate Now Program to Teach Self-Worth Skills

We shouldn't have to wait for a tragedy, a therapy session, or have to blindly struggle to learn these techniques and skills. It is time for these resources to be widely shared in order to help our everyday women and teens. We have an exciting announcement for you. Alongside Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Cory Eddington (he is also the same guy who asked me to marry him nine years ago) we have created prevention tools that can be easily shared with you, without you having to make the drive to visit our outreach center.

Over the coming months we are making available MP3 audio files, e-workbooks, and other educational tools that you can access instantly online. Due to your high demand we are making these programs as accessible as possible.

To watch our recent KSL Studio 5 "Self-Worth Starts at Home" TV interview link here

The next tool we are sharing is on Thinking Errors. This is a BIG concept because not very many people know about them. Yet, we all tend to fall into the thinking error trap. Hope you will enjoy the upcoming free audio.

We will be in touch again soon. We look forward to sharing these skills with you!

All the best,
Karen Eddington
Cauliflower Retreat Self-Worth Outreach Center Program Found"
You also can get on their mailing list for the online training content. Just go to their home page website (also or org)

I just want to add my thoughts on how to help your daughters have good self-esteem-- start with yourself. Emulate what it means to love yourself and have a good self-esteem.  Also NEVER let her hear you put yourself down. Not only does she see the same traits that you are putting down in herself but she learns how to act as a woman from you.

If you have a habit of putting yourself down in front of your children, stop.  My challenge is to catch yourself and stop the words, sighs, and other self-deprecating expressions in front of your daughters. 
Next step is to stop them in your own mind and replace them with a positive thoughts about yourself.
Incorporate what Karen mentioned about there being choice behind having a good self-esteem. CHOOSE to improve your own perception of yourself.

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